Whoever decided Christmas is a quiet, peaceful time had clearly never met my parents. Needless to say this will not be the most heartwarming Christmas story, in fact it has little to do with the holidays at all.
My parents aren't the type to sit at home all day so instead they chose the safe, family activity of 4-wheeling. This being my first time I was excited with a slight twinge of fear that I had attempted to push further into the back of my mind for the time being.
Once I took off, it was a rush. Within minutes the fear had subsided and was replaced with even more excitement. It pulsed within me, begging to be let out. To go faster. Jump higher.
A small hill approached and my fingers clenched the throttle even tighter, then slipped.
In a flash I felt gravity cease to exist. The world was neither up nor down. The sand pushed itself closer and with the force of a tidal wave, connected with my side.
The sky was filled with a large, dark object overhead. It loomed almost in place with patience for the quick second that gravity would return. I thought of others who had died with the same bad luck. What I had assumed to be the most painful and terrifying moments of their lives, yet I felt nothing.
All was calm and serene. The fear from earlier seemed far away. There were no words in my mind, only the simple feeling that there was nothing I could do. Not hopelessness or any desperate attempts at waging war with fate. For once in my life there was nothing I could do, nor was there anything I had to do. Having control over life ripped away was peaceful, easy.
Many people spend their lives in search of a moment of freedom. Somehow it is assumed that with a greater sense of security in life, you will also gain a bit of peace. Yet in my experience, peace isn't a lack of conflict it is the acceptance of it. It is not the power to stop an atom bomb from detonating, it is the moment when it's could is billowing towards you and all panic is lost. There is nothing.
That day, I walked away from one of the most violent moments of my life and the most peaceful Christmas I could have had.
